I'm coming out

11/27/19 21:37 East Northport, NY

Years ago before having kids and getting married, this night would have been a packed school reunion down at Gunther’s Tap Room on Main Street.  I should check if the Scofflaws are playing there this weekend.  Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, there are reports that the winds will be too strong and there won’t be any floats in the Macy’s parade.  We used to bring the kids to that event when all of us were younger.  I recall one year, looking up at the building we were next to and seeing Jerry Seinfeld in his apartment looking down on all of us and the parade.  We froze.  Mr. Seinfeld was standing in his roomy apartment and enjoyed the comforts of home.  Tomorrow will be different for another reason; I don’t think any of the kids will be visiting this family.  Some are planning to run a 5 K Turkey Trot.  I have not run a Turkey Trot for years and just maybe I’ll head out and get in a run tomorrow.  Not a race, but a run.  I want to sleep in and rest since the days have been long.  I arrived back here at 1:30 Monday morning, slept four hours and was back to work.  And talking about work, it has been very busy.  The crush before the holiday.  There is the emotional release, of trying to be honest with the life I am leading.  Take a stand, have courage and fuck fear in plain English.  For too long I have been frightened of what others may think of me.  Too bad.  This is it.  Be bold and be proud.  Meli said it was like a gay person coming out of the closet, and I can see the similarities, I can feel the freedom and shaking off the shame.  There is no need for shame as long as I creating a better life for myself and others.  I am happier and there is no shame in being happy.

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No Matter How Old You Are - You can be a Scofflaw. The Scofflaws play in Northport, LI as the day faded into the Night

8/23/14 19:40

It was a good week.  I learned on Face Book, The Scofflaws were playing in the park in Northport.  The park is pristine, and there is a classic bandstand set at one end of a long field.  The bandstand is the stage which I used to dream of playing with my band (The Few) in front of ten adoring fans.  That was thirty years ago and yet some dreams are so real, but frankly that one is like old stained glass, the allure catches the light whenever if ever shines on it.  So, I live vicariously through my heroes.  We have our poets and performers, and even the thieves who run reckless in the night causing chaos on our sanctified communities.  Yeah, Rude Boys, The Scofflaws were playing.  I even confirmed it with them on FB.   So, for the whole week I conjured up images of stomping in the grass as their ska music filled the night.  There would be a crowd there.  It was a great vision and on top of that, they were hitting the stage at 7 PM.  It meant there was time for the family to get there and home at a decent hour.  We packed ourselves in the minivan and headed out to Northport.  We even found a parking spot in the park’s lot – what are you kidding?  What luck?  We hauled out blankets from the trunk and barely noticed the grey haired couples in their beach chairs, sitting calmly and some eating their dinner and iced teas.  They can watch their show of a barbershop choir or whatever lame music was playing...there...way back there.  Let’s get this started!  There was Sammy with his van.  He looked confused.  Hey, Sammy!  Like I said he looked confused.  We get into the park and look back at the sedated couples on their chairs.  Could it be there?   Way back there?  The spot with the microphones and little lights and what does it say on the chalk board?  The Scofflaws, 7 PM Tonight.  Really? Here?  In front of them? We drove all this way from Port Jefferson.  Deep breath.  Calm…calm thoughts, enjoy this summer night with the family. So, we played in the park, swung on swings which look the same when I was there almost fifty years ago and took pictures, walked on the dock since if you are ever in Northport you must walk on the dock.  The familiar scent of tar, the green oxidized copper caps on the posts, the cracked floor boards and there in the distance is the boat yard that has been in operation for over a hundred years, maybe two hundred and then it was time to head back to see the show.  The kids were not really interested, although Ali and Amanda liked it.  Yes, Emma as well.  Eileen brought her boys down and we bumped into my father’s friends and we caught up.   We are all Scofflaws no matter how old or young you are.  Little kids were dancing.  Couples were twirling and shaking it.  All of this was taking place in front of the park, even the bikers in their black leather were there to see the band; we are all Scofflaws after all.  They played Boots, Daniel Ortega, Batman theme.  By the end of two encores, Sammy was a sweaty mess.  They were playing another gig later that night in Greenlawn; "The rated R version," Sammy said  They always give it their all. Before the night was over I had to get a pint in at Gunther’s.  I wish Frank Dentrone was with me, but he was in Vermont with his family.  Gunther’s is the sanctified establishment which has brought back so many memories, pitchers of beers, cigarette smoke stuck in clothes and hair and the scent washing out the following morning in the shower.  Seeing Vance Brescia and The Eggmen, Cliff Gardner and his wild dancing, Charlie and Chris, cheers Jon…cheers…cheers and I was there.  I drank my beer while my daughters looked at me, making fun of their weird Dad.  They could not understand what old movies were playing in my mind as I looked across the old bar.  May you discover your own phantoms!

Mariah Carey was a skinny fifteen-year old kid with red hair...hanging with Pete Engelmann after all of these years

1/18/14 15:21 Home

I just came back home after having lunch with a good old friend Pete Engelmann and his wife Michele for the last twenty years.  When was the last time we saw one another?  It could have been the book signing I had for Killer Commute back in 2001; at Gunther’s in Northport.  Pete hasn’t changed very much; well there is the extra weight and the wrinkles around his eyes which didn’t fade away so easily after smiling. Michele and I pulled out reading glasses to read the menu.  There was a lot of smiling and laughing.  What brought us together when we were kids, a mutual friend; Fred Hyatt, who I was close to when I attended the illustrious bricked Bellerose Elementary.  Fred was involved with his church’s youth group and that’s where I met Pete.  I heard many stories of Pete before meeting him and vaguely remembered playing with him in Little League; I guess he was not that good of a player.  We hung out and he had a positive and destructive… but more - a lasting effect on my life.  Pete was the ringleader for the group of us; there was Mark Johnson, Jim Duke and I remember the younger kid who was my height Charlie Pellagrino, Fred Hyatt and some kids from Harborfields will join in as well.  There were others in the circle as well as the girls.  They will remain anonymous at this juncture to avoid any adverse implications and mischaracterizations.  But it’s true Pete dated Mariah Carey, I recall her when she was a skinny red-head fifteen year-old.  So, over lunch hearing the stories again brought back some intense times which involved… well for the sake of drama….illegal activities which are typical for teenage boys… who become men and who drifted aimlessly till they find the love of our lives. And we wake up one morning married and a father.  Those friends drift off to someplace else and far back into the past with each passing year.  We were boys and now we have responsibilities.  For most men, we have a very difficult time maintaining the relationships we had.  For some, we’re just not social creatures and prefer to be locked away in our caves.  I’m envious when I hear my father-in-law tell me a story about his old friend from somewhere; high-school or college… and they get a lunch or dinner and catch up.  What happened to my pals?  In the men’s group at my church we discussed just that, losing our friends, losing all contact we had with them and instead focusing on our tasks.  I understand.  Some live in a secret battle with the neighbors and try to outdo one another and at the end of the weekend, Monday morning rolls around and we begin the routine, start the work week.  It’s a vicious cycle.  So my task for some months was finding Pete.  It was like a calling.  We’ve always been different –meaning he’s conservative – I’m sorry, Christian conservative and I’m a progressive Christian who attends an open and affirming church.  The conversation started with our churches and I’m happy to say we left that topic early and carried on with other stories.  Like when I refused to make out with my girl-friend since it was Sunday (It was the Sabbath) having BB gun wars in the woods, riding motorcycles and horses and getting into fights with one another.  Drinking beer and shooting his .22 rifle…what happened to the men who led their lives in different directions? Some include writers, sales, the president of a oil company, real estate, cop…they are out there and it’s up to us to get together with them and reminisce.  There is nothing wrong with it as long as it stays in the past.  Old friends can become new friends and Pete said he wants to keep this going, let’s get together for dinner, he said…next weekend…Saturday?  We can’t, Michele said, since their son is going back to school on Sunday and they want to hang out with him.  I understand.  Pete looked at her, then the following weekend?

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