Hey Kids, You Don't Need to Play Sports!

3/19/16 15:52 Home listening to MC5 and Wire: Pink Flag

Last night my son, Joseph Gerald Gordon proved he has more courage than most men I know.  To take the stage as a ninth grader, singing solo in front of the high school students, the jocks and the geeks and the artists, graduates and the good community of Port Jefferson Station would have paralyzed most of us.  But the choice of the song was a stark contrast to what most young men would have chosen.  Most men want to exhibit their maleness and strike up some interest from the young women.  That was me in my senior year of high school, playing U2’s now classic song, I will follow.  I did fairly well in my combat boots and was called Bono for the rest of the senior year.  Joe chose something completely different, a song by Lady Gaga.  

My son has more talent in his pinkie toe nail than I ever did.  His range is incredible, he’s comfortable on the stage and let me tell you readers…it brought a tear to my eye.  Actually, each time Joe sings I am so proud of him.  I’ve seen this child perform in our church, in choirs at school.  Recently, he sung in the all-county choir and last month in Boston he sang with a talented group of students, representing the East Coast.  He had to audition for both of those choirs. 

The last couple of weeks I have had meetings with clients and some have asked about my family.  When I mention my children, three girls and one boy – typically, the first question is what sports does your son play? Um, none.  There is a little awkward silence.  And some have asked, what sports do “they” play?  As if sports in the only choice a young person has, especially if the child is a boy.  You’re a boy, you play sports. Penis equates sports, who made this rule?  What else is there in their young lives? Is sports the only option?   

For many families their lives revolve around sports, church and school and some TV or time on their phones/computers where they play games.  This narrow mindset wear sports shorts all year long.  I see the men who are middle aged and have beer bellies. They’re obsessed with "their" teams as if that is the only thing in life.  They are able to recite stats from the games, standings and speak of the players as if they are family, unless they're traded.  

The parents for these budding star athletes travel long distances for games, strength and conditioning sessions, practices and tell them to “man up,” if they are injured and if the dare shed a tear or a cry is heard. Man up.  We did not have that shit in our house.  None of my children have had any real interest in sports.  Did I try to coax Joe into baseball?  Of course, I promised him toys he wanted, but watching my distracted son in the outfield - being more interested in the dandelions than the game was enough for me.  Especially for Joe.  He explained he had a fear of getting hit in the eye with the ball.  

Hold a second, building a supportive team either a cast in a play or a band or a robotic team is just as important as in sports.  You learn to adapt, working as a unit to achieve a goal.

I loved sports before I wanted to be Bono.  But there comes a time when we need to let our children go and discover their healthy joys.  I was not going to push any of my children into something they had no interest in. 

When we are in our element, maybe it’s on the court or at the plate or in front of an audience, we feel complete.  How often are we prodded into careers which made us miserable?  I can’t wait to see Joe develop his gifts and watch where it leads him.  He’s interested in college – actually in Emerson in Boston, but there is no pressure.  Ali and I want him to be happy and of course continue to make bold choices like being fearless and singing a Lady Gaga song in front of an audience.  Rather than fear controlling his life, he took the stage; the curtains parted and the spot light lit up my handsome boy.  And the audience cheered…

    

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Clinton Kelly, Comsewogue alum gives an incredible speech to graduating class of 2014

6/30/14 17:21

Yesterday my wife and I celebrated our 20^th wedding anniversary.  The event came at a time when Emma Tess our second oldest just graduated high school.  The graduation and party held our attention for the past few weeks.  Saturday we had a large rented tent in the back yard.  Family and friends from the neighborhood and schools joined us at the house in the celebration for Emma Tess.  Two years prior it was Amanda’s graduation. Yet Emma’s was different.  Her class was different; they were supportive of one another which were the general theme in many of the speeches.  I have to believe it.  I watched the class jesters and others participate in tossing beach balls, tennis balls until they were confiscated by security who were begging them to give up their toys; the antics were an entertaining break from the sincere speeches, but how many can honestly state; I didn’t prepare anything.  They didn’t need anything or so they thought.  A ball is smacked.  Young men and woman suddenly acted their age – you are teenagers (or I assume you are) be young.  Have fun.  The stoic faces broke out in smiles - which was a relief.  Many of them appeared older, wiser, and I dare make the bold statement – they were confident.  It seemed like nothing was going to stop them.  They took their diplomas, took their pictures, took off their caps and tossed them in the air and we watched the caps twist under the faint blue sky.  Some of us snapped pictures and listened to the applause for their children or grandchildren or their parolees.  Emma Tess graduated high school.  The little girl who’d I wrestle with.  Back then she had a lisp when her front teeth were missing and she’d say, “Give me a sound beating.”  This is the girl, who told us, she never wanted to grow up.  I feel sorry for her and will ask if she feels the same way, do you regret getting older? I know she’s excited about Hofstra. Look at it this way, instead of focusing on the past - passing by - think of the hope which lies in the future.  There are so many possibilities.  The dreams we heard in the speeches - follow them; pursue that dream.  Be driven by passion.  Love what you are doing since you may be doing something for forty years.  Yikes that’s intimidating and if faced with the objective, most of us would cower.  Take it one day at a time.  Clinton Kelly, the star celebrity - a graduate from Comsewogue High School gave the graduating class a speech, what the hell do you refer to the keynote speech as?  The keynote speech.  He was incredible and entertaining and kept popping in nuggets of wisdom – this is what said this which I copied from his Facebook page and it’s perfect; The energy you spend with your head in the past will never get you closer to the future you dream for yourself.

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Relay for Life in the NIGHT Port Jefferson Station

6/7/14 08:57

I woke up before 0600 and have accomplished nothing substantial.  The TV is on.  Bella is awake.  I administered her medicine which is a daily routine for us.  Every 12 hours she receives her 7.5 mg…last night she reminded me she needed her medicine.  I poured out her med in a small measuring cup, and pulled up the 7.5 mg in a syringe.   We left the event together.  Just the two of us.  She was unhappy that we left the Relay for Life rally before her friends and she said she does not like to feel different.  I tried to tell her no one can make her feel different, she has the power to change these thoughts, but having epilepsy can feel like you are ruled by the disease.  I respected her since she said, no one made her feel different –it was her.  She has incredible strength.  Overall we are very grateful.   She has not had an episode for over a year.   Yet, last night when she slept next to me I felt her body shaking and I thought the shakes were convulsions?  I don’t think so, but needed assurance from Ali when she came back from her all night Relay for Life at JFK Middle School.  She left a half hour ago to take a civil service exam.  She has amazing strength as well.  This is where my children get this incredible asset.  Most of us (me) would give in to the exhaustion and head to our beds, but not my wife.  The civil service tests are infrequent and she prepared herself for this day.  Going into last night’s event with the knowledge she will be up and have to be in the right state of mind to read and answer comprehensive questions.  There is a math portion which she took classes to prepare for.  My wife is committed.  Yesterday afternoon I arrived back home after being away since Tuesday.  There were a lot of emails to respond to and I was busy with business.  I like feeling I’m under the gun.  Bring it on.  But I felt Ali needed help setting up for the Relay.  I arrived at the school at 7 PM with the pillows and camera she asked for me to bring.  I found our tent and area and kissed Diana and saw Ali who wore her sun glasses and was motivated for this night.  Being a cancer survivor and sharing her story – there is an entry I posted in the blog which Ali wrote and shared to our church – is becoming more common with the advent of potent oncological pharmaceuticals and intensive research.  My mother-in-law (Diana) also is a survivor after months of treatment for skin cancer…growing up under the Florida sun.  There were hundreds of people there.  There was an amazing rendition of the National anthem by one of our high school students.  There were kids playing Frisbee, tossing a football, selling carnations, cupcakes, and bracelets –all to raise funds.  There was a sighting of a moon.  I have not seen one in decades.  A slow black Suburban of something like it – was honking its horn and when we cheered back to it - we were struck at the site of a white ass blazing out of a rear window…get it… rear window.  My mother in-law laughed – she has a great sense of humor and both felt the same, we have not seen a moon in years.  “I thought they stopped doing that.”  There were groups selling food, amazing pork sandwiches…bands played.  Let’s get serious.   Watching the survivors walk around the track with pleasant smiles of pride on their faces as we clapped and then it was our turn, the caregivers walked around the track to the cheers, but I felt out of place there.  I mean the cancer we survived passed.  It’s in the past.  I’d like to keep it there.  Yet, looking at the names… the quarter mile of hundreds of illuminated paper bags which were decorated with names of loved ones, I saw a picture of a woman on one and she could have been someone I knew - it was striking.  Our numbers could reach and settle the anxiety of those who are gripped by the fear of the unknown.  Under the clear night sky I watched the figures walk the track.  Under Pluto and Venus a balloon slowly rose awkwardly under the stars.  There were many familiar faces from this community and others who remained anonymous but we were there for a purpose.  Together, this event raised $63,000 for the American Cancer Society.  We were there because somehow we were impacted by cancer.  It’s the dreaded three words anyone wants to hear, “You have cancer.”  Yet illuminated in the night… on the bleachers… was the large glowing word - HOPE.  With faith, hope and love we can overcome the impossible. 

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