This too shall pass, let go and let God

4/2/20 22:17 Bethlehem, PA

This too shall pass and yet the question begs to be asked; when?  I feel sorry for the families stuck inside their homes, dogs and cats as well.  I have the serenity of a quiet house.  I live with two other guys, each of us has a bedroom and we share the rest of the house.  Not too bad of a place, but it can use some work.  Be grateful.  I am trying to be grateful at this time of uncertainty and yet I cherish the changes in nature.  The trees are blooming, flowers are spouting and yet the silence looms in the streets.  As if no one is outside to take in the rush of scents and colors.  It’s young and fresh.  The season.  No more winter.  I noticed a neighbor hanging their bed sheets out on the line and was envious, what a great day to let the sheets take in the sun and the breeze. I can find gratitude for seeing that or the other neighbor next to us, the one who I can see inside their house when the Venetian blinds are open or up, the one with the piano, TV and lamps, and their bird feeder which is attached with suction cups to their window.  A pair of cardinals and many sparrows come to feed from it.  Once a squirrel hopped up and the feeder crashed to the ground.  They fixed it.  Their cat watches the birds from the warmth of the room, his head darts back and forth till he accepts the fact, the birds are outside and he is still in the warmth of his room.  And that has been my days so far.  I miss hanging with the kids and watching something, popcorn and their laughter and yet if I was with them – their insanity - there is a good chance I will be off in another room.  That is the fact of my life when we were all together, I was off in my room or in the den reading and trying to gain some serenity.  What does the future hold?  Possibilities and the living a clean and sober life, but it is one day at a time for me.  I am not sure how long the visa process will take, but as long as Meli and I maintain our communication and humor, there is little we cannot get through.  There are people dying, More than 5,000 in the US.  Families are devastated, emotionally and financially.  More than 6 million filed for unemployment and what would it be like for most if they were working?  Living paycheck to paycheck and all of a sudden, they are hit with hardship, pain, fear.  Bare down and consider who is around you and be grateful. “But we’re hungry.”  Grateful for who is in your life and what they bring to you.  Open a book and read, this is the time we waited for, we can discover ourselves for the first time and appreciate who we are.  Let hope reign and fear ride in the back seat like a pain in the ass who wants to know when we’re going to get there.  Let it pass.

Thank you for reading this and God bless you and your families.

Breathe in and let in God

3/18/20 23:06 Bethlehem, PA

Leaving my parent’s house was sad.  There was the sense that it could be the last time I saw my mother alive.  She came outside to see me off, blowing me a kiss and a God bless.  I love you.  Maybe she was trying to ask me to stay another night?  There was not the usual handshake from my father, no hug for Ma.  I drove off in my car with some groceries I had bought and intended to eat while staying there.  But I was done.  I spent two nights and their day to day activities and banal conversations were making me irritable.  I was working in a room upstairs and they’re yelling to one another – not fighting about some bullshit in plain English.  There is enough stress in the world, I reminded my son of this in a text.  He can read it here and so can you. There is enough unease and panic that erupts with each sneeze or dry cough and I can hear my roommate upstairs hacking.  The good news, I am away from my parents and the idea that I am a carrier or that one of us is sick in their house was too much.  Get out.  Before leaving, I made sure my sister, Eileen would buy them groceries, I did not want Dad out in the world and especially in a crowded supermarket, searching for a way to save a dime.   He is very frugal.  He did not balk or try to interfere when I said I spoke with Eileen who will take care of the shopping.  Yes.  Good idea.  That is done.  My other sister is holed up in her house for fear of the virus.  They have enough food and toilet paper for a couple of weeks.  I think she is alright.  I can call her.  I will call her.  I will call my brother and cousins as well.  This is a time to share our isolations and our vulnerabilities.  This will pass like a long wind which dissipates over the ocean.

Thank you for reading this.