My wife is here and we have two cats and lots of books and plants in our home

 Saturday September 23, 2023

It has been almost a year since I posted on the blog.  It’s a good time to provide an update on things.  Today’s rain has something to do with it and with a new computer comes the opportunities to post a few things.  So here it goes.  At the end of last October, I flew down to Costa Rica to bring Meli and her cat, Blue back to the US.  After waiting for years, it happened, and it seems like more than a year ago when we pulled into the driveway together for the first time.  Meli and I have settled into the house with two cats and an assortment of books.  Since she came, the house has been re-sided with what looks like cedar shakes, a new roof, re-insulated.  Soon we will have two new storm doors and new basement windows before the winter hits. There are new plants and trees in the yard and the look inside our home feels warm and welcoming but call me first if you’re interested in visiting.  Since February, Meli has been working as a technician at the pharmacy department in Allentown Hospital.  She likes her job although I think she can earn more money since she is busy speaking to a majority of patients who only speak Spanish.  She is driving back and forth to work with me in the passenger seat, and she is working on getting her permit and license here.  Before you send in the cops, she has her driver’s license from Costa Rica so she can legally drive.  The kids are all doing well and I will share more details in further blogs.  My job has been very busy and I’m happy with the progress I am making on some prospects.  The job allows me time to write on the side.  Back in July, I submitted the second installment in the Bombastic Adventures in the Arizona Desert.  I am currently working on the third and final book.  The audio book for the first installment, Black Market Bones will be released soon.  So, look for more posts on my flyfishing, working out, biking, running, reading and other assorted comments about this life.

Thank you for reading.

Grateful to be Divorced

11/28/19 22:34 East Northport: Thanksgiving

I love my children.  Being divorced has strained my relationship at one time or another with all or a few of my kids.  They are not kids or children, but young adults.  Their ages are, 25, 23, 18 and 16.  My oldest is attending North Eastern Law, the second oldest will take a semester off from Stony Brook, my 18 year-old attends LaSell University and my 16 year-old attends high school.  Soon after being kicked out, I was told that I will always be the “bad guy” in my children's eyes and my 23 year-old said, “Dad, you’re never going to win.”  It took many months to shake off the belief that my kids were going to love me, regardless of how their mother may have felt.  I ignored their feelings, I tried to hide from their suffering.  We are still suffering in our own ways, and yet I have to say, I am grateful for being divorced.  I don’t mean to suggest for a moment, that I don’t care about my kids, I do.  They may not want to accept that.  I remind myself, I will always be the bad guy and I will never win.  It’s like a broken record.  Most of them do not recognize the good in me.  I know I am a good, decent man who had made mistakes.  But I am not the person who raised them when they were younger.  I was more selfish and lived with a lot fear and anxiety. Insecurities were over flowing from my cup and I fought like hell to keep some order in the house.  I was strict at times, but not always.  I shirked responsibilities like a pro. There was manipulation and passive aggressive tactics, that made my head spin, most of this was directed to my ex.  There was deceit.  There was a compartmentalized life that was out of control.  There was no direction, I was not sure who I was, but I knew deep down I was not happy.  I was not happy with my life.  And I sought to run and escape in many different forms that were not creative or that did not express self-love and self-compassion.  Only after the divorce and joining a 12 step program have I learned not be fearful.  Fearful of other’s opinions.  Including my children.  I am learning how to appreciate and value the life I am creating for myself.  I am taking care of myself through better eating, exercise, meditation and listening to motivational podcasts.   I have met someone for the first time, me.  I have met another for the first time, a woman who I love, adore and respect.  Meli has helped me on this path and we walk it together as best friends.  There will be bumps in the road and there will be the insecurities, but as long as I am aware of my thought patterns and protect myself from unhealthy thoughts or toxic people, I will be in a better place.  We look forward to sharing our lives together and welcome our family to take part.  On December 29^th, Meli and I are getting married.  I am looking forward to sharing my life with my best friend.  We will both be free to discover the joys in life.  I could not experience anything like this before.  I have a new freedom.  Instead of living for the acceptance or insatiable recognition from others, the answer as my Zen teacher said, is within.  Here's some advise dear reader, stop living in fear and jump into the world.  It is a beautiful place to discover; if you open your heart and mind.

Thank you for reading this.