The VISA is on-hand

 10/17/2022 07:55

 

I have to get ready for work but wanted to write that my wife has her visa.  This is after two plus years of us processing.

 

10/17/2022 22:36

Calling it a day.  Time for me to get out of the office. 

 

10/28/2022 18:35 Bethlehem

Well, it’s happening. Flying to Costa Rica on Sunday.  The plan is to stay a couple of days and fly back on Wednesday.  I’ll either drive to Long Island tomorrow and spend the night at Ma Pa’s or spend the night here and wake up early and head out.  How much time am I saving if I stay the night on Long Island?  Maybe about an hour, so it may be best to leave from here and make it a day.  I’ll park at the terminal. So, instead of waiting for the LIRR and heading back to Ma Pa’s, Meli and I with her cat Blue will drive back to Bethlehem. It will be another long day.  I’ll buy a coffee at Dunkies at JFK and make the drive.  I hope we’re back here by 1 AM.  That would be incredible but being this is her first trip and immigration and Blue’s paperwork, we may not get back till…I don’t know.  I don’t want to think about it.  What will it be like to start at life with Meli?  I don’t know?  Last night I walked around the neighborhood. Saw one lit up face in a dark living room on their phone and was curious why they were in the dark, what was so engaging?  Engrossed in the news?  I’ll pack tomorrow.  Need to buy a couple of things.  There’s a small bowl of candy outside for the trick or treaters and I thought I may have missed the costumes.  Not sure if I will see any.  Need to turn on the lights outside for the rascals and animals who will happily eat the candy.  But here it is.  Meli will be here, and we can take walks together and all the sites that I see, the rivers and streams, we can share together.  We already have plans to see Tina, the Broadway show – playing in Philadelphia late next month, on her birthday, the 22^nd.   And there’s so many more plans. Travels.  Meeting my parents and eventually the kids.  What will it be like?  How about all the stores who know me and our story, when will your wife be here?  Hey, look, here she is.  It is all in God’s hands.  Until she is here, until a few weeks pass, and we settle in and know this relationship is real and it is meant to me and not something in the future, until then.  More months will pass and then years and we will create the life we want.

 

Thank you for reading this

The Last Lonely Year

 

    05/23/22 Bethlehem

     Well, look.  We are here again, and you are there, and I am tapping these words onto the page and thinking of you and how much has changed since we exchanged glances.  It’s in the past.  Isn’t it nice to be separate and living our own lives?  There is much to say about distance and passing years.  You may assume I am writing about you. 

               Since the last entry I bought a small cape in Bethlehem.  I am next to a highway and am used to the traffic like constant gusts of wind or waves crashing into the shore, but there is the asshole and the hollow radiating muffler who demands attention.  The fuck.  He passes and I ignore him or her or whoever may be behind the wheel. 

               My last novel was published under a pseudonym, Roberto Picado.  Black Market Bones which is by far the best thing I’ve written in a few years.  It’s part of a trilogy and I am banging out Part II this year.

               More later

This to shall pass, but some days it feels like this ain't going anywhere else real quick

11/15/20 21:02

Earlier today Meli and I watched a church service, Passion City Church which is broadcasted around the world through YouTube their website.  Energetic and positive.  It is our routine for Sunday mornings.  It was Meli who introduced me to the church.  She found it through Chris Tomlin.  Somehow he was affiliated with the church and I feel I wrote about the church already for my blog.  Maybe it is this Covid mindset, which I can easily slip into.  Went out and ran.  Mowed the lawn and waiting for Lowes to tell me the battery and charger has been ordered for my battery powered lawn mower.  Forty percent off, but waiting is the hardest part, especially when they don’t call back.  I borrowed my neighbor’s lawn mower and moved both of our lawns.  But here it is.  I can make healthier choices.  For instance, running, reading and what about Dinner?  I made my own from scratch and feel better for it.  I will still go out to pick up a burrito like I did last night from Orizaba on Broad Street, they make an incredible shrimp burrito and a delicious veggie taco.  If I ate meat, I would share more options, but this restaurant is a weekly place for me.  One of the owners is from Costa Rica, so I need to be there!  Buenos Tica!  Pura Vida!  Another is the pizzeria on the corner of New Street and Elizabeth, Fratelli’s – an amazing white pizza which I savor the garlic enriched topping on most Friday’s…it is across the street from where I used to live.  Thinking about the house and how barren it was and yet, it was home for over a year and the landlord was accommodating and welcoming, I was invited to their house for Christmas last year.  This year, I hope to be in Mexico City, visiting Meli.  I will be in quarantine for most of the visit.  We hope, I will make it there.   I don’t want to spend our first Christmas – married and our first wedding anniversary in Bethlehem; alone.  But Covid is the determining factor.  No news on the spousal visa.  I left a voicemail for Catholic Charities. Yes, I am grateful for the incoming Biden administration.  The current immigration policies by the Trumps is impacting all of the applications and yes, they can imply Covid is a factor – I am sure it is.   

At the end of the day – at any time of the day it is all in God’s hands and I can have faith.

Thank you for reading this.

Spousal Visa Process, Part II

6/6/20 18:00

Updates on the Visa, I ordered a copy of the birth certificate and received it this week.  The two passport photos with a white background, also done.  The hurdle will be the divorce paperwork which means I need to go to a UPS store to notarize my signature and send a check to the country government on Long Island – through the mail.  My wife is working on her items, but it is more challenging since she is in Mexico and needs to process her order in Costa Rica.  So, that it is where we are.  We need to make time to accomplish what is pending.  With the current events and the global crisis, there is a feeling that perhaps this will take even longer.  As long as we take action, any action towards our goals it is better than another day - another week - slipping by.

Looking at homes in the area that I can afford.  I am not that confident that this is the right time to distract myself with another home, instead I need to focus.  The real estate agent sent a new listing for Nazareth which is a competitive market, a two bedroom that looks promising.  There are a couple of houses in the area that look intriguing, but there’s not a rush to jump into an empty house.  This house is empty enough and can’t imagine what it will be like buying furniture, a bed and the rest. 

Spoke with the publisher and they are reviewing my manuscript.

I may travel back to Mexico this August.

This is an opportunity to rise, to express our good angels, to share our faith in each other and speak in unity and compassion.  God bless the peace makers and courageous protesters!

Maybe it’s time to get outside and get in a game of basketball?

Thank you for reading this

This too shall pass, let go and let God

4/2/20 22:17 Bethlehem, PA

This too shall pass and yet the question begs to be asked; when?  I feel sorry for the families stuck inside their homes, dogs and cats as well.  I have the serenity of a quiet house.  I live with two other guys, each of us has a bedroom and we share the rest of the house.  Not too bad of a place, but it can use some work.  Be grateful.  I am trying to be grateful at this time of uncertainty and yet I cherish the changes in nature.  The trees are blooming, flowers are spouting and yet the silence looms in the streets.  As if no one is outside to take in the rush of scents and colors.  It’s young and fresh.  The season.  No more winter.  I noticed a neighbor hanging their bed sheets out on the line and was envious, what a great day to let the sheets take in the sun and the breeze. I can find gratitude for seeing that or the other neighbor next to us, the one who I can see inside their house when the Venetian blinds are open or up, the one with the piano, TV and lamps, and their bird feeder which is attached with suction cups to their window.  A pair of cardinals and many sparrows come to feed from it.  Once a squirrel hopped up and the feeder crashed to the ground.  They fixed it.  Their cat watches the birds from the warmth of the room, his head darts back and forth till he accepts the fact, the birds are outside and he is still in the warmth of his room.  And that has been my days so far.  I miss hanging with the kids and watching something, popcorn and their laughter and yet if I was with them – their insanity - there is a good chance I will be off in another room.  That is the fact of my life when we were all together, I was off in my room or in the den reading and trying to gain some serenity.  What does the future hold?  Possibilities and the living a clean and sober life, but it is one day at a time for me.  I am not sure how long the visa process will take, but as long as Meli and I maintain our communication and humor, there is little we cannot get through.  There are people dying, More than 5,000 in the US.  Families are devastated, emotionally and financially.  More than 6 million filed for unemployment and what would it be like for most if they were working?  Living paycheck to paycheck and all of a sudden, they are hit with hardship, pain, fear.  Bare down and consider who is around you and be grateful. “But we’re hungry.”  Grateful for who is in your life and what they bring to you.  Open a book and read, this is the time we waited for, we can discover ourselves for the first time and appreciate who we are.  Let hope reign and fear ride in the back seat like a pain in the ass who wants to know when we’re going to get there.  Let it pass.

Thank you for reading this and God bless you and your families.

Breathe in and let in God

3/18/20 23:06 Bethlehem, PA

Leaving my parent’s house was sad.  There was the sense that it could be the last time I saw my mother alive.  She came outside to see me off, blowing me a kiss and a God bless.  I love you.  Maybe she was trying to ask me to stay another night?  There was not the usual handshake from my father, no hug for Ma.  I drove off in my car with some groceries I had bought and intended to eat while staying there.  But I was done.  I spent two nights and their day to day activities and banal conversations were making me irritable.  I was working in a room upstairs and they’re yelling to one another – not fighting about some bullshit in plain English.  There is enough stress in the world, I reminded my son of this in a text.  He can read it here and so can you. There is enough unease and panic that erupts with each sneeze or dry cough and I can hear my roommate upstairs hacking.  The good news, I am away from my parents and the idea that I am a carrier or that one of us is sick in their house was too much.  Get out.  Before leaving, I made sure my sister, Eileen would buy them groceries, I did not want Dad out in the world and especially in a crowded supermarket, searching for a way to save a dime.   He is very frugal.  He did not balk or try to interfere when I said I spoke with Eileen who will take care of the shopping.  Yes.  Good idea.  That is done.  My other sister is holed up in her house for fear of the virus.  They have enough food and toilet paper for a couple of weeks.  I think she is alright.  I can call her.  I will call her.  I will call my brother and cousins as well.  This is a time to share our isolations and our vulnerabilities.  This will pass like a long wind which dissipates over the ocean.

Thank you for reading this.

Smoking Permitted

1/12/20 21:37 Bethlehem, PA

Last night I hung out with Andrew.  He moved back here after living in Florida for the past few months.  It was the first time we hung out and asked where I wanted to go.  I mentioned the dive bar down the road and the brewery on Main Street.  He suggested a member’s only club in his neighborhood, but he warned they permit smoke inside and if it’s a problem we can go somewhere else.  I drove over to the club.  He met me outside.  Before the door opened, a wall of smoke seeped out.  I was reluctant.  We found two seats at the bar, he signed the members book and we ordered two beers.  It was alright, the smoking made me feel as if I dropped back into 1989 in a VFW lounge that I was invited into.  But once the guy next to meet started smoking his cigar, I asked Andrew if we could play a game of pool.  He beat me in 8 ball, but I made a valid attempt.  Next was shuffle board, where you push solid metal discs down a long wooden board covered in find sand.  When I was a kid, saw dust was used.  But again, I have not played this game in 15 years and before that?  God only knows.  I beat him in the first, but he came back in the second and rounded out the third.  By the third game I was buzzed, plus as he said, he had home advantage.  There is roughly 25 years difference between us, but we are similar souls.  He is a gentleman, married for years and has a young son and is an artist, musician, and a professional accountant.  I am in awe of this guy.  Music was always on our minds, The Mats, We Were Promised Jetpacks and I thought about Mo Cheeks and taking her to see her favorite band (Stone Pony and Maxwells) we listened to the band in our minivan, It’s Thunder and Lightning.  Yes, the memories.  The beers flowed and the smoke seeped into my eyes and ears and hair and I didn’t care.  It was Saturday and I was in a club and could feel somehow privileged in the poison.

Thank you for reading this.

Last Winter run in Bethlehem in 2019

12/16/19 22:45 Bethlehem, PA

I went for a run tonight.  It was dark.  I wore black sweat pants, black gloves, but my new pullover is green and reflects lights.  While I was out in the cool air I realized this may be my last run this year in the US.  No doubt, the last run in Bethlehem in 2019.  Tomorrow night, I am finishing packing and driving back to Long Island.  Getting closer to my trip to Costa Rica, flying out on an early 6:15 flight out of JFK.  My life in the sun will begin on Friday afternoon.  Sun beating on me in San Jose, Costa Rica.  I’ll meet Meli at the airport.  After clearing immigration, we will be together.  Rings in my bag.  My suit for our wedding packed in my luggage with my new black shores.  Getting married on the lake, and the serene idea that this is eternal, like a deep breath, carrying us to a grace.  So, I ran down to the Steel Stacks since that was part of my goals today.  I stopped to see a display that is open on the weekends.  There were trees and ice sculptures.  There were girls taking pictures and one said it was cold, but I disagreed as sweat dribbled from my face in the frigid air.  I was alone.  I could not believe the lack of security, there were reefs for sale and yard banners, bells, and anyone could have swept them up and ran off with the decorations.  But there is no crime in Christmas city.  I got back on the road after taking some pictures and crossed the bridge and back up N New Street.  The city was quiet.  It was evening and I was hungry, but kept running.  I missed meditation tonight.  I wanted to go, but my run was longer.  I read tonight, it was another one of my goals.  I can feel my body easing towards to bed.  The last night in Bethlehem for this year.  Kind of sad, but why?  I don’t know.  I am tired.  Listening to Talking Heads, this must be the place.

Gratitude:

1)      Sober

2)      Bob Dylan, If Not for you

3)      Bethlehem

4)      Meli’s smile

5)      Health

Thank you for reading this

illuminated bags in Bethlehem

12/15/19 23:06 Bethlehem, PA

Walked up to the Moravian Bookstore and bought glass Moravian star ornaments which I saw last year.  My soon to be mother-in-law and my soon to be sister-in-law will get the other.  As I walked back I noticed illuminated white bags on the sidewalks in front of Moravian College.  There was another block, down the road from the school, neighbors were out lighting their candles and talking to one another as a light breeze blew.  I came back home.  Bought pizza across the street, and it was delicious.  With a Pepsi, it was very delicious.  Back out a couple of hours later.  Back to Marshall"s since I need new black shoes and I found a pair.  And discovered more presents.  My other sister-in-law is getting a 1000 piece puzzle of Frieda Kahlo.  Sneakers for my soon to be niece.  And a few things for Meli since it will be our first Christmas morning together and I wanted to make sure she has a few things to open.  And I am grateful.  She is grateful.  I used my Marshall’s credit card.  I used a couple of credit cards lately and I will pay the off since I don’t want to be in debt. It’s nice to have the fleeting thought; it’s only plastic and it’s not hitting my savings.  Sure, denial as long as possible.  I drove back, talking with Meli and sharing the sight of the candles and said, we will see all of this together…next year.

Thank you for reading this.

A Poem for Christmas in Bethlehem, PA

12/3/19 21:41 Bethlehem, PA

I’m am here, reading King and dozing off to dreamland.  Received some good news earlier which I shared with Meli and our friends.  I put my wedding suit together and will need to confirm I have a white shirt that is not stained.  I have a tie and I may buy new black shoes so I can look my best.  I will work on my novel in a little while.  Just wanted to get some thoughts down and this poem.  This is a first take, I hope you enjoy it.

This house

There are no Christmas lights at this Bethlehem house

Darkness looms, constant shade

Two men, have settled into their respective rooms

Traffic is a wave, settling on the winter street

Train in the distance and I imagine the icy hands gripping on for life, castaways in the night

She moves through the store in another country, buying a dress for her last Christmas party in Mexico

Later, we will say prayers together, kiss the air, and I will think of her smile as I drift off

Thank you for reading this

Hot Tuna Played in Bethlehem Tonight

12/2/19 22:45 Bethlehem, PA

I can tell you Hot Tuna closed with Water Song perhaps their most popular song.  After a short run, a quick dinner and a fast shower, I made my way up to the Steel Stacks and walked up the flights of round stairs and was impressed with the intimate setting.  It was as if I walked into a warm and welcoming living room.  I was ushered to my seat and watched the whole set of the opening act, Larry Campbell and his wife Theresa.  This guy was in Bob Dylan’s band and has a New York connection, but they live in Woodstock, the East coast Nashville or Austin.  There’s the link between Levon Helm are you kidding me?  Incredible harmonies and I sipped a pumpkin beer and was impressed with them.  Jorma came out and played their last song with them.

I have not seen Hot Tuna since 1990 when they played Bay Streets in Sag Harbor.  It was the second time, the first was at the Ritz in NYC in 1987.  Sounds reasonable, Paul Kantner and Papa John Creach played with them.

So, after a couple of beers, the soft colored lights on the steel stacks, everything felt alright.  Jorma and Jack came out and played like masters.  Here are two hippie brothers who love to play their music.  The audience adored them from a safe distance, there was some banter back and forth and yet when the sons began the house was silent.  We absorbed the flow in the night like distant angels.  Jorma and Jack, both at their peak and yet I felt and saw the fragility of Jack in his still moves and humble approach.  Oh, but watch out world, he is not giving up.  The man kicked ass on his solos.  And Jorma, like a stoic saint filled the room with his voice and guitar like no other.  I was in awe.   If you have an opportunity, go see Hot Tuna. They play real American music my friend.  

I wanted to buy a poster or a t-shirt but the stand could not process credit cards?  What?  So, I walked out a richer man.  Within 10 minutes I was back here and typing this for you.

Thank you for reading this.

Hot Tuna is playing in Bethlehem

12/1/19 21:41 Bethlehem, PA

I hardly stepped outside.  Although it is Sunday.  This is the day I would normally venture back to Hellertown and attend church, but I was not feeling it this morning.  I woke up at 7 which is weekend sleeping.  7 is late.  I called Meli since she asked me to call her at 7, but it was only 6 in Mexico City.  I only remembered this after the second attempt at calling.  Not good.  I don’t think she went back to sleep.  As I started to meditate, she called and asked if we can meditate together.  We listened to some music and meditated together for a few minutes till the song was finished.  She sent me an article on the benefits of waking up early, the writer gets up at 5:00 every morning.  I like sleeping in on the weekends, but I can accomplish so much more if I forced myself to get up.  I used to be an earlier riser, and I became an early morning person.  So what happened?  I am not blaming Meli, but there is an hour difference and her 11:00 is my midnight and getting up at 5:00 consistently will be a hurdle.  If I let it be a hurdle.  Tomorrow night I am planning to see a concert at the steel stacks, well inside the theatre, Hot Tuna who I have not seen in 30 years?  35 years? Actually saw them twice, at the Ritz in NYC and playing at Bay Streets in Sag Harbor.  I was going through a hippie phase and tomorrow’s concert ties in with the David Crosby. Phase I went through last summer.  It may be the last concert this year unless I see something that I must see.  Tomorrow is supposed to snow here, all day with little accumulation.  I don’t have an excuse.  I want to get back into the office.  I’m itching to get back in.  It’s time.  And in 19 days I am flying down to Costa Rica.  It’s amazing.

Thank you for reading this.

Peenus Picture in Bethlehem

11/30/19 22:48 Bethlehem, PA

It’s my first night back in over a week.  Meli and I were on the phone a little while ago, there are questions about how Ali and I lived together for so long.  Instead of elaborating here, I will say that we tried to make the best of the situation we were in.  When I was younger, I had a tendency to romanticize the struggles we encountered, the economic hardship of the young writer with a drinking problem and a wandering eye.  The irresponsible man who liked to avoid any confrontation and felt somewhere or someone would drop down from the skies and have the ability to take him out of the life he was leading.  25 years later, I am wiser. I am trying to learn how to take care of my life, put some order into it.  It’s not just the kids, but also my ex and my parents and siblings.  I am discovering that I can make it.  Meli has been able to share her progress, she’s very independent.  Years ago that would have threatened me, I assumed to have a healthy relationship there must be some sort of dependency.  Balance was leaning to the person in-charge.  But this is not the case.  We are forging a real union based on equals.  Based on respect and love.  When I arrived back here this morning, I believe I arrived in a little over two hours from Long Island, maybe that’s a new record. Soon, I was running into the chores.  Laundry, water the plants, get out for a long run cause it’s going to snow tomorrow, who knows when I can get in a run again?  Go!  I ran for over ten miles today.  It felt great, I had the energy and could have went on for more, but wanted to speak to Meli.  Take clothes from washing machine, throw in dryer, check lint, food shopping, dry cleaner, work on my power point, take a shower.  It’s almost 11:00 and I am beat.  I will work on the new novel and eventually get to sleep.  But it is odd being back here.  I didn’t see a movie and maybe tomorrow is better?  It’s time to get ready for bed.  Maybe it’s time to check out the 6:30 AM meeting in the morning, if it’s not snowing too much.  Maybe not.

Thank you for reading this.

An open mic after work

11/5/2019 21:57 Bethlehem, PA

After work I went out for a run.  I didn’t have much time, but got in 3.5 miles and averaged just over 8 minutes a mile.  The weather was perfect, a cool autumn day, the sun setting and traffic was barely a hum.  I was in my own world, the way I usually run.  I fall into a meditative mind, thinking of friends who I should reach out to, brothers in the program, past friends and of course my family.  It’s the time to let my body go as fast as possible, there is no sun, no humidity, the sneakers are snug, wearing shorts.  There were the few times I had to wait for traffic or the light to turn and I wait and pace back and forth till there is an opening.  I ran back home.  Heated up dinner and had a quick bite before a shower.  Dressed and had more food and checked the start time for the open mic.  Sign in starts at 6:30 and the show begins at 7:00, down at the Ice House.  It’s been a few months since I read at the open mic.  There was a free jazz saxophonist, a poet laureate for Bucks County and a younger poet who I have heard before, nice to see her confidence is working. Then there was the open mic for the rest of us.  I was one of the last to go before the break.  After the break, the second half begins, but after the run and the reading, I was ready to get back and do some reading and writing.  I came home and overheard my housemate’s conversation with I assume she’s his girlfriend?  She was coughing a lot and he had the conversation on speaker.  Why?  Anyway, it’s night.  My goal to write every night for a month is almost complete.  I challenged myself to get down a blog from 10/7 to 11/7.  Let’s see if I extend this.

Thank you for reading.

It's the NIGHT before Halloween, a short short

10/30/19 22:12 Bethlehem, PA

It’s the night before Halloween and there are no creatures stirring on this block. They are waiting in anticipation for tomorrow night.  For some, costumes will be necessary to hide their zombie faces, their skin barely attached to the rotting facial muscles.  Lips are no more.  Grizzled teeth.  For others, the aliens who walk among us, they are free to disperse all the candy they have adulterated in their kitchen to the little ones who beg for it.  Parents wave from the safety of the sidewalk, prodding their naïve and trusting runts to go up and beg for another handful.  Go ahead.  Just knock on the door, they will give you candy.  It’s free.  The black cats are pruning their fur with oil and gasoline from the dumpsters behind the local garage.  They dab a little green antifreeze, so their eyes can really stand out in the night.  Up the road the cemetery is quiet, except for some skeletons who are assembling their bones, they need to walk around the town and make the best of the night.  Ghosts are napping in the trees, whole families congregate, the Italians are taking up a row of trees, even in death they can’t stand being too distant from one another.  While the children continue to get more candy…barely noticing the smell ruminating from the roofs where the witches brood and cast spells…

Thank you for reading this.

Back in Bethlehem

10/28/19 22:33 Bethlehem, PA

I received my social security card, I can apply for a Pennsylvania Driver’s License and eventually change the car registration to this state.  My insurance costs will be reduced, saving money each month.  

I unpacked, called Meli and we had a brief call since she needs to stretch.  That’s fine.  We are both tired and I want to change and call it a night.  I have gotten into the bad habit of hitting the snooze button on my phone in the morning, but this tired shit began last night.  I was awake after midnight. I had to take the call downstairs with Meli.  Dad knocked on my bedroom door around 11:30. I hear everything, he says.  Dad sleeps on the opposite side of the wall.  Like a teenager, I scurried off to a room downstairs and had a decent chat with Meli about my kids. Sometimes I don’t want to share everything since I don’t want to upset her.  I’d like to pretend that the red carpet will be rolled out for her when she steps off the jet at JFK.  Bella is still upset with the idea that Meli and I are engaged.  I can understand. She has been texting me lately and I am grateful, out of all the kids, she has been the last one - not maintain a relationship with me.  I can understand, she’s hurt. Out of all four of my children, Bella was daddy’s girl, my baseball buddy, it seemed I could do no wrong, but that image was destroyed by my behavior and getting kicked out of the house. Our communication has not been the best since that day. I don’t think I have had a one on one with her since the divorce, but the last couple of days she has reached out.  Not to expect our relationship will go back to the way it was, but with God’s grace, all good things happen.

Thank you for reading this.

Peace is Restored

10/23/19 22:57 Bethlehem

Being in a long distance relationship has its challenges.  Communication is vital in any relationship. I know I wrote about this before.  I know what is going on.  I am tired.  We were both busy today and at times I feel as if I am the only one who sends messages during the work day.  She’s in more meetings than me.  I have the time.  Look at how many sentences begin with, “I.”  I can feel some resentment and I should take a deep breath.  Meli introduced me to a wonderful statement, tomorrow is a different day. Maybe I am being dramatic?  I feel we are slipping past one another.  Am I projecting this?  Another statement we have is, fact or fiction? It is late.  This morning the stars were radiant in the dark sky, the moon was bright and looked like a smile.  She fell asleep.  She is eating and will call me in a little while and like magic she will cut through my bullshit.  Take a deep breath.  I wrote there are challenges, but I never met anyone who has the same sense of humor as me.  Who is caring and loving and who is incredibly talented in her business.  Meli is not me.  We have our differences.  There are choices or questions in any relationship, is it healthy?  Are you happy?  Are you in peace?  Most of the time, I ask the last question; am I in peace? It’s a flitting moment.  Since my mind habitually creates drama and havoc, I can choose.  I am writing this from a room in Bethlehem.  A train blows in the distance.  It is quiet here.  Left alone with my thoughts, will I cultivate peace, love and self-compassion or let chaos simmer?  There is scene playing and it is all fake.  What is real?  We are separated by thousands of miles.  We either let the distance take command or we work on creating a future together.

And she calls and breaks through my bullshit with a laugh and peace is restored.

Thank you for reading this.

Freddy and I meet after Forty Years

10/20/19 22:35 Bethlehem, PA

I called Freddy yesterday morning.  He was upset that I forgot to call him the night before.  I apologized.  He was starting to tell me stories of some of his conspiracy theories, the Catholic church, the Masons and I was listening till I realized he needed to know I am not interested in the theories.  What time should we meet? “I don’t know,” he said.  Let’s say 1 PM.  Down at the movie theatre at the Steel Stacks.  “Sounds like a plan, wait.  How will I know it’s you?”  I will wear a grey blue hat, there’s an N on it for North Eastern.  I drove to the Steel Stacks, parked the car and arrived a little early.  There was a race for kids going on as I approached the theatre.  I saw this older, tan guy walk up to me. “I was telling those guys all about seeing you and how we haven’t seen each other close to forty years.”  It was Freddy and I reached out to hug him.  “No, shake hands.  Put it there.”  I shook his hand.  “You said you wanted coffee, I have to go to do, pee pee.”  Pee Pee?  He was a child in an old man’s body.  First, he locked his used bike, the rear tire looked worn.  We went inside.  “Graham Nash played here a few years ago.” I saw his performance on Long Island a few years ago.  Actually, he just played here. And he went off to the bathroom and was out of sight.  I bought a coffee and he came back within a minute, he must have assumed I was leaving him.  I thought, we’d sit down at a table or a bench and have a good chat.  That didn’t happen.  We went back outside.  He unlocked his bike.  He was very concerned that someone would want to steal his bike.  He must have lost many things through the years.  Our visit was a listening session.  For over an hour, Freddy talked about a wide variety of subjects.  But he was locked in a world from 1982.  The Karate Kid, Steven Segal, the church, Connie from Bellecrest Avenue, witches, the masons, the devil, Ted Nugent, he was sex crazed Freddy said.  Led Zeppelin, AC/DC, Evil in the world.  The Northport incident.  Working for agencies, tearing down stages and Gurney’s Inn.  But while I was with him, he had this child like energy that would not quit, he wanted to cram everything in this time we had together.  After an hour of walking back and forth around the parking lot and keeping an eye on his bike, I said I needed to leave.  “I’m sorry to tell you this,” he said and would spout some controversy.  Why do you apologize for saying something you want to share?  “I don’t want to offend you.”  Hey Fred, I have about 10 minutes.  He reminded me of my mother when he said, OK.  I will time you.  This watch has a timer.  And it was time for us to part.  It may be the last time I see him.  I will call him tomorrow and hope I can get his email address.  Fred may move back to Florida.  He carried a couple of bags, one contained books I should read.  I took pictures of the titles.  The other bag contained a jug of water and another jug of milk.  May God look out and protect Freddy.

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Last long run before the half next week

10/19/19 22:54 Bethlehem, PA

Ran 10.24 miles today. At this time of the night I am having a difficult time keeping my eyes open.  It was an early start to the day.  I called Fred and we made plans to get together.  I will write more about seeing Fred for the first time in forty years tomorrow.  Tonight is a record of running.  The weather was perfect, an autumn chill.  The sky was clear and I was able to keep a decent pace.  I walked a couple of times, no a few times.  I could feel my right hamstring tighten around mile 8, but all in all, I feel I can run the half next week.  I will run the half.  I must run the half.

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A Sort of Reunion in the Grocery Store Parking Lot

10/15/19 22:52 Valley Forge, PA

Listen to this.  The last couple of days when I have been driving around Bethlehem, I noticed a number of New York license plates.  Yes, we are close to New York, and yes there are a lot of carpet baggers like myself who made the move up here.  I mentioned the amount of NY cars to Meli on Sunday while I was driving and yesterday, I pulled into a spot at the super market and there is front of my car, yes it’s still registered in NY; is another NY license plate, I took a picture and sent it to Meli, is there something in the air?  Is this a conspiracy?  This afternoon I drove back down to the same supermarket and parked next to a car, also with NY license plates.  I was going to take a picture, but did not.   I went into the store and came out.  The man who was parked next to me was getting into his car.

“You’re from New York?” I asked.

“Yeah, you?”

“Yeah, what part are you from?”

“Long Island.”

“Me too.”

“Really?  What town are you from?”

“I grew up in Northport.”

“Really?”  He said.  “I grew up in East Northport.”

“That’s where my parents live, off Vernon Valley, Bellecrest Avenue,” I said.

“I grew up on Bellecrest. 63.”

“Really? What’s your last name?”

“Petersdorf.”

“Fred?”

“He’s my younger brother.  I’m Billy.”

It turns out the mom moved up here years ago and Freddy lives with his mom.  Billy was too cool for the kids and looked a little wild, that’s how I remembered him.  Later, my brother called.  I have not spoken to Dave in over a year.  I asked if I was dying, I could not believe what happened today.  Dave and I talked for close to an hour, the same with Billy and I, we also spoke for close to an hour …small world.

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