Dancing in Dublin again

9/21/19 15:43 39,000 feet above the Atlantic

On my way back from Ireland.  I met Meli in Dublin.  Earlier last Thursday I arrived in Dublin and thought of getting down on my hands and knees and kissing the pavement, but that would have been too dramatic for the exhausted tourists and weary workers.  Get off there!  I was exhausted by the lack of sleep.  We flew in the night, under stars and turbulence, influenced by tail winds.  I peeked out from my window like a weak boxer in the final rounds, are we there yet?  Seeing Ireland under the grey clouds was a dream.  I have not been in Ireland since 1985.   Before heading back to the airport for the return flight back then, grandma wished me a safe trip. When my car keys fell in front of her, she said, out loud, Jaysus I hope that’s not a bad sign.  She died a couple of years after that.  

There is a five-hour time zone difference between Bethlehem, PA and Dublin.  Like a drunk fool, I decided that driving a stick shift, which I normally don’t drive was somehow feasible.   Getting into the opposite side of the car, the steering wheel, was opposite, different side of the road.  Trying to get the car into gear with my left hand, first and reverse were right next to each other, yet, somehow it would all work out?  After a couple of glasses of wine on the flight over, a lack of sleep, feeling a bit buzzed, somehow it would not be a death wish?  I made it to the Airbnb in Inchicore and only after calling the homeowner and going round his block three times, and meeting his neighbor who guided me to the house with a wave.  Over here you eydget.  I pulled into the driveway and we both noticed the smell emanating from the car.  Sure I farted a few times in the metallic beast.  She said, I was burning the gears.  After that she let me into house. The home alarm went off, cracking my ear drums with a deafening pulse.  She called one of the owners and we were in.  I made it.  I was in Ireland and looked at the small backyard.  A light rain came. I fell asleep for an hour or so.  Woke up and called Enterprise.  I wanted an automatic.  Driving down narrow roads which slide into one-way death traps was not my idea of spending a vacation in Ireland.  I made loose plans that day to have lunch with a colleague, but that was quickly erased since I had to drive back to the airport.  I drove back and was told how much more the costs would be.  I didn’t care, Meli and I had plans to drive around Ireland.  Let’s be clear at this point, I drove.  She pointed out lovely scenery, but even with an automatic, I hung onto the staring wheel with increased anxiety, especially after seeing a huge bus looming down the road or a tractor or an old woman standing too close to the road.  Yeah, I hit bushes on the side of the road, no old ladies, rammed the curbs a few times.  Each time getting into the car was an ordeal, first reminding myself I was getting into the right side of the car, sliding my knee under the steering wheel.  There was a sigh of relieve that I made it back to Enterprise in one piece, earlier today both the car and myself, and I am grateful I saw so many beautiful areas in Ireland.  I know both Meli and I will be back.  Let me look outside the window while I listen to Bob Dylan.      

We are crossing the tip of North America, some islands off the remote coast of Nova Scotia.  Meli is in Munich and may be getting into the Lufthansa airliner to take her back to Mexico City.  The last couple of days in Ireland have been sad since I knew she was going back to Mexico and I was heading back to the US.  Anyway, I’ll share more details as this progresses. 

Meli was in Sweden for work.  We had subtle plans to see each other in Sweden, but she thought it would be better to take a vacation in Europe. We looked at Spain and Portugal, but she suggested Ireland since it was one of the places she wanted to visit.  In comparison, Ireland is an expensive vacation, but we were conscientious, each night was a Airbnb which for most nights worked out for us.  One of the reservations could not host us, but a friend had room in her B&B.  That was a beautiful house and we were served a splendid breakfast with lots of coffee.  Waking up and seeing The Atlantic and the islands off the coast, the clouds slowly drifting over the slopes was a dream.  We could spend a few days in Dingle which is touristy and yet retains its character.  It is where I ordered our wedding rings which are beautiful.  I wanted to have a link between Ireland and Costa Rica. 

The light in Ireland as well as the air seemed clearer.  We sat across from one another at Trinity College and at the yard in Dublin Castle and were amazed at the light.   And we had the good grace since it did not rain on any of the days when we were together. 

We ate well.  I am still a vegetarian, but did eat some fish while there.  Actually the first day, I had fish and chips, but it was not very good.  I would have eaten card board and been satisfied.  Like I said, I picked up Meli at the airport.  Her flight was delayed and I fell asleep sitting at a small table for a few minutes.  When she came out of the terminal, I let her walk by and watched as she looked for me.  I walked up behind her and welcomed her to Ireland with a kiss just before midnight.

More to come…

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Happy Birthday

October 7, 2019 22:47 Bethlehem, PA

What’s it like to drive on the highway, in the rain, without any windshield wipers?  I thought of all the pilots who made serious errors and crashed. Thinking they could beat the weather or approaching storm or ignore the warning signs of a faulty engine.  They took the risk and paid for it with their lives or at least a serious injury for many.  Most crashes are due to pilot error.  I thought of this and when the rain was a faint drizzle, I was grateful, but when I crossed into this state, the rain was coming down hard.  Trucks were tossing back a wall of mist.  The rain was sliding off the windshield and there were some tricky areas on the road when I could not see that well.  I made it and can write about. What would have sucked would have been my gravestone, born on this date and died on this date.  Happy birthday to me.

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David Crosby and the Sky Trails Band were incredible at Lincoln Center

              

              I saw David Crosby and the Sky Trails Band on August 11^th at Lincoln Center Outdoors.  It was the last concert of their free summer Americana series.  It was too soon to call it quits on the summer.  Here it is a couple of weeks later, I am writing this on September 2, Labor Day.  Summer is still lingering in the warm afternoons, although the days are growing shorter. 

              There was an opener, Anais Mitchell and her partner.  She won a Tony for the adaptation for her album Hadestown.  Interesting voice and yet she had some technical difficulties which were distracting.      

               It was a beautiful night in the city.  I bought my Icon discount parking voucher earlier and left work a couple of hours early to see the event. I assumed if I got there early, I mean how many older folkies would tread into the city to see Cros?  There were more than 700 in front of me, and I was there an hour and a half before the gates opened.  Gates opened at 6:30, general seating.  Slowly, we made our way up the block, through the entrance and I was in.  The place was already filling up, there were 3,000 seats, so I needed to move fast.  I saw an open spot in the center and asked a woman who was there with her friends, after a little banter she finally understood, I was speaking English and I wanted to take a seat.  I got up and came back with a beer and noticed the large head in front of me.  It was strange since the back of this stranger’s head, looked like the back of my head.  I was blocked.  Being six foot four or around this height; I am sure I have blocked many unsuspecting people who may have paid a good price to attend any concert which I also happened to attend.  I am aware of my height.  At the shows where I must stand, I try to make my way – most of the time to the back.  When I was younger, I was hands on the stage and wanting to get as close as possible.  I guess it depends on the artist.  By the grace of God a woman left her seat and a friend’s and I watched her tell another person, she had to leave.  I bolted and took a seat just as another guy was making his way.  Great view, saw the whole stage and enjoyed Cros for all of his worth. 

              The band was incredible; many CSN&Y songs were played.  A huge surprise was 8 Miles High, from the Byrds.  One of my favorite songs, and yet the crowd was calm, passive almost, unfortunately when the song Ohio was played, David tried to rally troops to the song, four dead in Ohio and yet the heart palpitations and gastritis was a little too much to weigh in on the chorus, disappointed, I saw Crosby look back at his band.  The bass player just shrugged as if to say, they don’t got it.  They are old.

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David Crosby is weathered and sober today

7/17/19 21:52 Bethlehem, PA

I left work early on Monday and drove into Manhattan to see a documentary on David Crosby, Remember my name.  It was hosted by NY Times, Cameron Crowe, who conducted the interviews with Mr. Crosby, as well as the director, AJ Eaton and Melena Ryzik, a music/cultural journalist from the Times sat around David Crosby.  I have to say the movie was very good and yet, it was a shame the others from CSNY were either not present or were not interviewed for the movie, but as Crowe mentioned, he thought it was better to keep the movie on the main subject, David Crosby.  This was my first journey into the city from Bethlehem.  I was not sure what to expect and lo and behold it took a little less than two hours.  Left at three and pulled into the parking garage (East 61^st) at 4:55. It was hot in the city and I wanted to find a cheap place to eat.  I’m on a tight budget and the night was already expensive, I don’t want to say what I paid for the ticket, but this was a gift to myself.  I found a cheap place, ate and walked to the theater and waited in line.  The event was sold out.  There are only three hundred seats in the place and once inside, I sat in the third row, between two men who each used the arm rest, the one to my left took his right arm and plopped it down and the one to the right took his left and plopped it down; so I sat there during the movie thinking what do I do with my hands?  I can rub my mouth, scratch myself, and put them in a sort of pray full pose.  I know what you’re thinking, who gives a shit about your hands tell me about the movie.  It was very good, insightful and I felt the movie caught David Crosby in his highs and lows.  Now he is 77 and having to get out on the road to pay the bills as he said.  Eight heart stents and diabetic.  Scenes of him testing his sugar level and injecting himself with insulin back stage. There were stories about The Byrds, touring, clubs, childhood, Jim Morrison, Joanie Mitchell, Mama Cass, CSN concerts, women, drugs and sex and his dick.  Maybe not in that order.  Here’s a secret, on August 11^th Cros is playing a free concert as part of Lincoln Center free series in NYC.  I intend to go.  I want to see him perform.  It may seem ironic, but as I was driving back to this place, I realized on July 22, 2017 I was kicked out of the house and still went to see Graham Nash who played at The Landmark in Port Washington and now almost to the day, two years later, I’m leaving Crosby back in the city, in the lights fading in the rear view mirror and pray for his continued path in this life.

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Fourth of July 2019

7/4/19 11:18

Sitting in the back yard at my parent’s house.  Last year, on the fourth, I was living in Northport, down near Crab Meadow and paying too much for a small room in a cottage, but I was close to my family.  My parents were only five minutes away and three of my children, out East on Long Island in Port Jeff Station.  They were in the house that Ali and I rented.  The year before we celebrated the fourth in the Adirondacks.  It was our last vacation we took as a family, and I wrote about it in the blog. On this day in 2015, we flew back from California where we spent a week on vacation.  The year before on this day, my son had the courage to tell me he was bi, Joe was eleven at the time.  Life moves on and like a dream or a circle - we evolve.  Another analogy will be a river that carries remnants of soil and stones in its rolling water, pushing forward and dropping off what it carries in different parts on its journey. 

I’m living in Bethlehem, PA and I am engaged to a wonderful woman.  Ali is doing well on her own, having purchased a house and settling in.  This all took place within the past year.  On July 22, Ali and I will be separated from one another for two years.  A lot has changed in our lives, but instead of a general statement, I am grateful for the transition.  I battle with loneliness, of not waking up and seeing the kids in the morning or being a part of their daily lives.  I battle with the distance and yet while I was on Long Island, we would only see each other on the weekends.  They have their lives.  Yet, I am discovering more about myself and discovering love, strength and compassion. 

Joe graduated high school this year.  I was at the graduation ceremony and the week before, took pictures of Joe, wearing a beautiful dress and high heels, as he set off on his prom with his date.  For his graduation, I drove four hours in rush hour traffic from New Jersey, where I had a meeting that afternoon, but I made it.  No air conditioning.  Feeling light headed and frazzled, I stood behind the stands and looked down at the field and watched as my son sang with the high school choir - for the last time and watched as he walked across the stage, in high heels, to receive his diploma.  Afterwards, I walked down to the field and Joey gave me a big hug, you made it, he said.  Joe had a legion of friends come up to him and hug him, he was and is very loved and respected in most of the community.  Amanda was there from Boston and we hugged.  She looked amazing and wanted to get a family picture together.  Emma Tess, my quiet warrior, hugged and yet for my youngest, the pain is still fresh, Bella kept her distance from me.  It is alright.  She needs time and I will respect her space.  No family picture. 

I drove back to Bethlehem after the ceremony and once again the loneliness and sadness kicked in. My family were headed back to their new house and continued their lives as normal without me. Traffic was lighter.  It was night.  I spoke to Meli on the ride back and she said, what a wonderful father I am. I try to be.

   

I try to live in the moment with gratitude and live a life of integrity.  Like the river, I carry certain stones and stories and will discard of them, left to be in their places in the past.  I will move on through this life, discovering for the first time another realization.

Thank you for reading this.   

Flying over the Gulf of Mexico (Flight 921 JetBlue 5/30/19)

I can taste her breath in my mouth

It’s dry as dust and seeks to sleep

We’re flying above the Gulf of Mexico, stirring above clouds

She does not speak English and I barely know her Aztec language

I am reminded where I am when the jet shivers in summer gusts above the earth

Like a jolt of eternity

I will make love in another country

In a hot room, in the daylight

I’m zooming in with so much speed

Even the clouds appeal for stillness

Will Tebow be back?

4/30/19 22:13

The Iron Pigs are the local minor league baseball team in Allentown, PA.  They are the AAA affiliate for the Phillies.  Last Monday, the AAA team for NY Mets.  The Syracuse Mets rolled into town.  There was more excitement on that chilly Monday night since the one and only Tim Tebow is playing for the Mets.  At 31 and after a stint in the NFL, Tebow has been struggling at bat this season.  Last I looked he was batting a measly 124 or something.  Maybe it is the cool weather since Tebow played football in Florida?  Word quickly spread around the stadium, Tebow was not starting.  I toyed with the idea to call it a night around the sixth, but I hung in and Tebow came in to pinch hit.  Wait, he’s not hitting.  It was something of a gift for the dozens of Met fans who wanted to see Tebow, yes, including me. I was impressed with the size of the man and the chants from the crowd who wanted a glimpse of Tebow. I snapped some pictures.  So, I'm happy I waited, my attitude was let’s see what the kid has.  I read two of his books and was not really impressed, he has a great, never quit attitude which is one reason why he is still playing baseball instead of football.  He is a strict Christian which for most of us is impressive. Never drank, smoke, drugs, premarital sex, doesn’t cuss, loves his parents and his family and Jesus.  Who doesn’t love Tebow?  I watched grown men peering into the dugout for a glimpse of the man, is that him?  So what did he do?  He struck out.  Looked at one sail into the catcher’s mitt and was called out. He looked back at the ump and maybe Tebow forgot his poor batting average, you don’t show up the ump unless; you’re a star?

Coca Cola Park is about 15 minutes away from where I live.  It’s a clean stadium, seats are close to the action and I was impressed with the advertisements, the banners, the flames which shot out from steel pipes each time an Iron Pig run came in.  I will go back again, Even when Tebow is not there.  It's a great park to bring the family.  The fans are very cool and passionate for their Iron Pigs.  From the looks of it, Tebow may not be back.  Who knows, the season is still early.

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