1/25/20 19:59 Bethlehem
It was the first time this year I made my dinner from
scratch. Still on the vegetation kick
for the most part. I eat eggs and an
occasional fish, but no red meat or poultry.
I chopped up onions, thinking about how an old friend used to say
onions. Garlic, peppers, chopped in
simmering olive oil till brownish, add some more, pitted black olives,
artichoke hearts, veggies and seasoning – taco powder, vegan and let it mix
together. I cooked rice from scratch and
it all came out very good tonight. I
have to say I am proud of myself. Read
the Power of Now and the sense of surrendering.
Last night, I went to a meeting and one of the men shared that he was
hospitalized since he had suicidal thoughts.
He was on medication, pale skin, weak voice and my heart went out to
him. I need to surrender this. And there is the story I read last night, the
parents on Long Island, keeping their young boys in an unheated garage, the youngest
dying or was he killed by his father.
Surrender this as well. If I
carry the pain, I will be drawn into the misery and today was one of those
days. It was raining, I felt alone in
the house. I made some calls and one of
the guys I reached out to shared, he too had suicidal thoughts. He said it so matter of fact, as if it was as
a passing thought. My heart went out to
him. I am working on my relationship with
my savior. It has been an on and off
again relationship. There are always
reminders that God is in this world as long as I cultivate the awareness and
presence within me. No need to seek
outside influences, at the end of the day the answer is within. I can let go and let God into my life and I
earnestly try and will add to this by surrendering. There will always be pain. I can choose to cultivate the pain and
darkness or shine. I have the choice to
make the right decision which is difficult at times or slip back to old
behaviors. Gradually, letting go of the
darkness and discovering each day that the answer is within.
Thank you for reading this
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