Breathe in and let in God

3/18/20 23:06 Bethlehem, PA

Leaving my parent’s house was sad.  There was the sense that it could be the last time I saw my mother alive.  She came outside to see me off, blowing me a kiss and a God bless.  I love you.  Maybe she was trying to ask me to stay another night?  There was not the usual handshake from my father, no hug for Ma.  I drove off in my car with some groceries I had bought and intended to eat while staying there.  But I was done.  I spent two nights and their day to day activities and banal conversations were making me irritable.  I was working in a room upstairs and they’re yelling to one another – not fighting about some bullshit in plain English.  There is enough stress in the world, I reminded my son of this in a text.  He can read it here and so can you. There is enough unease and panic that erupts with each sneeze or dry cough and I can hear my roommate upstairs hacking.  The good news, I am away from my parents and the idea that I am a carrier or that one of us is sick in their house was too much.  Get out.  Before leaving, I made sure my sister, Eileen would buy them groceries, I did not want Dad out in the world and especially in a crowded supermarket, searching for a way to save a dime.   He is very frugal.  He did not balk or try to interfere when I said I spoke with Eileen who will take care of the shopping.  Yes.  Good idea.  That is done.  My other sister is holed up in her house for fear of the virus.  They have enough food and toilet paper for a couple of weeks.  I think she is alright.  I can call her.  I will call her.  I will call my brother and cousins as well.  This is a time to share our isolations and our vulnerabilities.  This will pass like a long wind which dissipates over the ocean.

Thank you for reading this.

39,900 feet above Athens, Ga

3/7/20 17:38 39,826 above Georgia

I miss her already.  Yesterday, we went for a walk in a national park in Mexico City.  The squirrels are tame.  They approached us looking for a snack, but Meli and I kept on moving, eventually she became scared of the little critters who looked innocent enough, but like any real terror they play the part of the cute creatures, taunting us, a horde of violent rodents, till we ran for our lives.  I miss her.  We bought flowers and plants for her apartment, and planted the new flowers in the bed outside her living room window, hovering four stories over the street.  She appreciated all I did, but we worked together on the project. We are a team and by the end of the night, we were exhausted.  I don’t want to fly back and yesterday I thought, what would it be like for both of us if we lived in Mexico?  We could go for walks in the parks and share meals together, and just be together all of the time, but I won’t make such a decision since my children are back in the States.  Meli and I have come to the conclusion that having children is not a good idea.  And that is that.  It’s based on a couple of things, I already have four children and my age.  It’s a fact.  From the flight map is appears we are approaching Athens, GA.  The memories of the town.  Athens is calling you.  I bought a promo poster for REM’s album Reckoning on Ebay for $30, it’s something I wanted for my collection for decades, Letter Never Sent…I can share this town (Athens) with Meli and we will share Yellowstone and Vegas and jazz concerts and classical concerts.  On our last night in Oaxaca, we went to a classical concert together, sat in the front row and walked back to the hotel with some secret fears that it was night in the strange, colorful city and yet we didn’t know what the ominous shadows may contain.  Nothing.  We made it back to the hotel and shared a drink before falling asleep.  This trip was different compared to the rest.  I worked yesterday and Thursday, actually we both did.  She was upset that her manager was asking for assistance while she was on vacation, and both of us stirred the pot of resentment.  There is a baby crying a few rows back.  I recall those days and don’t really want them again.  I loved my children when they were younger, cute and little who were very curious and funny, and the baby falls back to sleep for a few seconds.  Tell us a story Dad.  And I would make up a story on the fly and share something that involved them.  Tell us a story.  I am grateful since Bella and I are texting.  Joe does not want me to mention him in this blog, so I will respect his wishes.  Emma and I are talking and I was thinking of heading back to Long Island tonight, but will not.  Turbulence as we approach North Carolina, maybe next week I will get back to Long Island.

Let the music carry me away.  When I get my car and drive back to Bethlehem, I will put on REM.  There’s a few songs I would like to listen to.  It’s getting darker and after 1800, 39,350 feet above Charlotte.  Maybe it’s time to have another glass of wine.  Meli is expecting some friends to come over, they can look over the bed of flowers we planted and get a feeling that being a part from one another is never easy.  Yeah, flying above these Southern states and the lights in the cabin are dimmed.  I released again and feel much better thank you for your concerns.  I feel like watching The Joker again which I took in on the way down to Mexico.  The flight is close to a sellout; we took our chances for various reasons to risk the exposure to the Coronavirus. The desire to venture into the States, to get back home, to escape from home or to see what Freedom appeared like from the other side of a TV screen.  Who can say that?  We are hitting turbulence, but I don’t care.  My love is in Mexico and each second I am flying miles away from her.

Thank you for reading this