Wednesday, August 8, 2018

Grateful for my ex-wife


           You may have noticed there have been minimal entries on this blog.  Starting today, that is going to change.  Funny, I have seen too many entries in stale blogs that started this way, the blogger regretting not posting as much and perhaps not writing as much? 
There are reasons for not posting which I will describe in some detail for you.  I’ve been writing for this blog and have a few that I may post at a later date, but I wanted to get this one out today.  I’ve thought about it for a few weeks and here we go.
Ali and I are in the process of a divorce.  A former therapist and perhaps an attorney would suggest I use the phrase, “We have come to a mutual decision that our marriage should come to an end.”  Sounds formal.  It does not explain what occurred or why or who is to blame.  Let me be clear, I accept responsibility for my behavior that led to this “mutual decision.”  Let’s move on.
Instead of explaining what happened, I would like to say that I appreciate the years I had with Ali.  I was a witness, watching a shy 18-year-old teenager become an articulate and strong woman.  I watched how she grew from a timid and insecure young mother, not sure if our children would love her - to a mom with wealth of knowledge, love and compassion.  The children adore their mom.  I want to say, thank you for your mothering and raising four incredible individuals.
I want to thank her for the years we had together.  There were some rough patches when my fear and insecurities were evident and I was harsh to her and the children at times.  I would not put myself in the category as abusive, but on occasions I was harsh. 
  Throughout the years, we had some amazing memories, sitting outside in those summer nights and waiting for a shooting star, sitting in the shallow water and watching the minnow’s nipple on our feet and legs.  Spending time at her grandparent’s house, learning what being a family was all about - in the Italian tradition.  The decades of New Year’s Eve’s at her parents, starting at Nana and Pop’s and the trips we took with her parents into NYC, DC and Baltimore.  Add all of the trips to Disney World, cruises, auto trains, I cherish those times.  I miss those times and miss my family.
I was grateful waking up next to Ali.  Not too happy when she woke me up with her snores, but I enjoyed watching her sleep in.  I enjoyed making her laugh which was difficult to do, but she has a great laugh and when her giggling starts, it does not stop!  I’m going to miss those opportunities.  I hope she shares her laughter will someone else when she feels the time is right.
I am grateful to have had wife like Ali.  She was a good friend and I hope eventually, we can maintain some kind of friendship.  Tomorrow, will be two weeks since we signed the divorce paperwork.  Afterwards, we walked outside together to the hot parking lot, both of us cried and held each other.  I told her that she’s moving on.  We’re both moving on.  She’s in the process of buying her first home, within the school district which she serves a board member and keeping Joe and Bella in-place to graduate with their friends and classmates.  She's holding so much together and yet it was time for our marriage to end with the stroke up a pen.  In six to eight months, on a cold winter day, we will be officially divorced.  

          Thank you for reading this.

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