Saturday, March 11, 2017

Vulnerable Men?

3/11/17 15:53

Earlier, I had a coffee with Jeff, a friend from church.  It has been a couple of years since we hung out.  But I wanted to reconnect.  I wanted to have a man to man conversation.  As men, we tend to keep our guard up.  Why do you want to meet?  What’s in it for me?  What do you need?  It’s understandable.  We tend to be on guard, defending our lives and fiercely defending our privacy.  As an example, a few years ago when I met with PJ, an old friend, which is another example of me trying to reconnect and check in; he needed assurances before we met; he texted back, “Tell me two things, you’re not coming out and you’re not dying.”  I assured him I wasn’t dying, but I was always fond of his muscles.  We met a few weeks later - with his wife.  Ali could not make it. I’ve seen him once before by chance while I was on a business trip in Malvern, PA.
I’d like to find out what does it take to maintain a friendship with a guy.  Guys don’t call their friends.  No one calls anyone - it's all through a text.  How do guys get together, it just happens or they make plans for some event.  Most of us are too busy and we use the weekends for down time, relaxation and spending valuable time with our families, but we need more.  We need to let down the guards and just be.  Be vulnerable?  Dare to be?  This is where I was coming from.  I want something more authentic than getting a few beers or seeing a concert and I wanted a one to one.
When I reached out to Jeff, he said – sure let’s get together.  I thought we’d sit down and get carried off in some small talk, but we delved down on politics, our families and our church.  We both came out after two hours knowing this is the start of something.  We had some ideas for the church.  I recommended we go out to dinner with our wives.  I hope this happens soon, since life lulls us back to our comfort zones, nudges us back into repetitive routines and soon enough another month passes.  Soon a year passes.  And the idea is put on the shelf for another time when say the weather changes or whenever “the time is right.”  Try something new.  Make that call and reach out to that person you want to speak to.  This is the time.

Thank you for reading this.

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