Everything is gong to be alright

11/29/19 20:33 East Northport, NY

Today, was a day of reading, I’ve been reading Stephen King’s End of Watch, the second book in the Bill Hodges/Mr. Mercedes trilogy.  I did not step outside.  I had a nap in the afternoon on the love seat in the den, had good calls with my brother and Emma Tess.  Made and cancelled plans for my dad’s 80^th birthday party for next weekend.  He does not want to celebrate being 80 and we will respect his decision.  We are similar.  We don’t want to be the center of attention and a birthday is a solo event, it’s a reminder, you’re old and 80 is old, there’s no two ways to slice it.  We wanted to celebrate and show dad our love and appreciation.  My parents are set in their own ways, dad likes to get dressed up for the cold weather, puts in a knit cap, gloves, thick jacket and walks around the yard picking up pine cones.  It is something to do, sort of mindless and Zen like.  There will always be pine cones or twigs to pick up.  Each trip outside is an adventure into the unknown.  Mom likes to voyage out into the yard as well to take in deep breaths, to get in a bit of air into the lungs.  But I stayed here in this spot through the day and ma made the comment, I don’t think I saw you this relaxed in a long time.  I watched the sun pass from day and fade into the early night.  It was one day to veg as we’d say in this house.  Tomorrow morning, I will pack and drive back to Bethlehem.  It has been awhile since I was back at the house.  I need to go food shopping and pick up some dry cleaning.  Need to finalize a presentation for work.  Need to catch up on some emails.  And just maybe I will go out and see a movie, by myself.  Meli is out tonight, at a women’s event and I am happy for her, the event is how to speak to children who are going through divorce.  She cares so much about my children and wants them to know, they will be loved and accepted into our home whenever they visit or can stay as long as they’d like.  We will always welcome them with a warm smile and cup of tea.  Everything will be alright.  This is a transition and lately there has been pain with the idea that Dad is getting married.  Their pain stems from the past and from the fear of the future.  But I am not going anywhere, I will always make myself available to each of them.

Thank you for reading this