Thoughts in the afternoon

12/19/19 East Northport, NY 14:55

Mom is resting on the love seat in the den.  Mom had a lot of energy this morning and she wanted to chat with me, but I was working.  I am in my own world, it is the same – especially the day before a trip. There were a couple of errands which I did and I am back in the room, feeling somewhat anxious.  I am not present.  Dad will drive me to the train station and I will be off to Queens to spend a few hours in the Courtyard across from JFK.  Paying a lot of money for those few hours.  Tomorrow morning, I will be up very early, maybe 3:30.  Yes, at that time since my flight is leaving at 6:13 in the morning.  Yesterday I was thinking, why the heck did I book a flight so early?  Because Meli is getting into San Jose tomorrow and we will take a bus from the airport to her town.  Why couldn’t I have flown out on Saturday?  I looked at the flights and they were more expensive.  I want to spend as much time as possible with her.  The timer has gone off and mom will wake up from her nap.  She is fragile.  Before I leave, I will do a double check to confirm I have everything.  Passport, check.  Divorce paperwork?  Check.  I can’t wait to be with Meli.  This will be a long trip for us, over two weeks.  Thank God. Last night, I had dinner with Emma Tess and Matt.  At first we were at Chili’s. I sat down.  My ring finger on my left hand felt numb. It was pale and discolored.  I thought it was a blood clot, and was worried I may have to cancel the trip.  Not the case, it was something minor, Raynaud phenomenon.  Paid $50 for the clinic and we went to California Pizza for dinner. I bought a Christmas card for Em and will send her money tomorrow, after I get paid.  I’ll leave here in an hour or so.  It’s funny, earlier dad asked what time I was leaving and I said, 5 PM.  “There’s not a train at 5.”  I looked it up, Dad checked his paper schedule, “It leaves at 4:53.” I was close.  The man is very rigid and I realized both of my parents are control freaks, but I love them.  Love them.  Really do.

Thank you for reading this.