Sunday, August 26, 2012

Be present in the moment & Love is a rational act


8/26/12 20:07 Home Where else would I be? I woke up this morning at 0600, made coffee and read the paper. Knowing I have a few hours to myself in the house is a blessing. With the rest of the family asleep, I fed the cats, watered the garden. The corn is growing and read the paper outside. The air was warm, not humid; there was a chill, as low scud clouds lingered. When is it going to rain? It’s been more than a week, well a little more, but the ground feels brittle, the leaves are falling from the black oak or whatever that beast is we have in our backyard. We went to church. Typically we are racing and I kick myself for not jumping in the shower at 0800, instead I wait for the last minute. Why? Because I like to know I can take my time on Sunday mornings, it’s the one day out of the week I don’t need to rush. Soon, we will be back at the 0900 service. This was Amanda’s last Sunday before she heads off to Simmons. I will miss her. Just knowing she is here and I can count on her to help out. I’m proud of her. This is a great opportunity and I know she is close to Katie and Ben and only a few hours away from us. Ali made the decision to stop therapy this week. Amanda's move and packing will be draining enough. Amanda is concerned about Ali’s health and wellness. I mentioned both of their names at church. Afterwards we came home briefly. There was enough time to give Emma Tess a driving lesson at the empty parking lot at the train station. She did well and after about fifteen minutes of back and forth and teaching the blind spots - I let her coast the minivan onto the street and up into the driveway. She almost made it all the way, but the front passenger side ended up in the bed of plants. Afterwards we went to Ma Pa’s house - for Santi’s birthday. Seeing my nephews refer to my sisters as Mom is still amazing, she’s not a mother she’s a little shit who listens to Michael Jackson who has pictures of him all over her room, go ahead go upstairs and look. Now the rooms are different. The evidence of those young lives have been replaced with clean walls and photographs. Our lives have evolved. It’s hard to see the flaking paint on the exterior cedar shakes which my father scraped and painted so many times over the decades, the roof looks sunken in one area, the ceilings in the rooms have cracks and stains. Dad still tossed the ball with us and my nephews refer to his as Grand Da. He looks to be in good shape, doesn’t smoke any longer and has been sober for more than twelve years. My children don’t have a memory of my father with a beer. I on the other hand had three Corona’s with the marinated chicken and tender steak my brother-in-law cooked up on the BBQ. It was delicious and ice cream cake and some water, I was stuffed on the ride home. In church the message for all of us was on love, from Tuesday’s with Morrie: Love is the only rational act. What a wonderful message Rev. Elaine had for all of us - to take in the moment we are currently in and be present in it. Be where you are and be in the moment.

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