Back in Bethlehem

10/28/19 22:33 Bethlehem, PA

I received my social security card, I can apply for a Pennsylvania Driver’s License and eventually change the car registration to this state.  My insurance costs will be reduced, saving money each month.  

I unpacked, called Meli and we had a brief call since she needs to stretch.  That’s fine.  We are both tired and I want to change and call it a night.  I have gotten into the bad habit of hitting the snooze button on my phone in the morning, but this tired shit began last night.  I was awake after midnight. I had to take the call downstairs with Meli.  Dad knocked on my bedroom door around 11:30. I hear everything, he says.  Dad sleeps on the opposite side of the wall.  Like a teenager, I scurried off to a room downstairs and had a decent chat with Meli about my kids. Sometimes I don’t want to share everything since I don’t want to upset her.  I’d like to pretend that the red carpet will be rolled out for her when she steps off the jet at JFK.  Bella is still upset with the idea that Meli and I are engaged.  I can understand. She has been texting me lately and I am grateful, out of all the kids, she has been the last one - not maintain a relationship with me.  I can understand, she’s hurt. Out of all four of my children, Bella was daddy’s girl, my baseball buddy, it seemed I could do no wrong, but that image was destroyed by my behavior and getting kicked out of the house. Our communication has not been the best since that day. I don’t think I have had a one on one with her since the divorce, but the last couple of days she has reached out.  Not to expect our relationship will go back to the way it was, but with God’s grace, all good things happen.

Thank you for reading this.